Today's Oct 10th 2018

I need to pull myself together. I need to get my shit together.

I'm 27. It's October now. Two more months until its the end of the year once again...

I can't believe how much I haven't accomplished. And I thought that the worst years are far behind me by now. Butt NOPE... It seems as though this year has proven to be x100 times worst than last year. I never knew how much more sad one human being can get. When you think you've felt the worst of the worst, life throws you a surprise shit party and introduce you to a whole new level of sad. 

Me & T broke up today for the millionth time. 

Every time we get weaker and more impatient with each other.

I don't know how to even start to explain the shit we're in. It's been over a year worth of drama's to type out...

Coming back to this old blog and taking a trip down memory lane makes me feel like I've became so much more stupid...

Ever since the break up with K, I just lost myself completely. I let myself go. 

I drowned myself into a bottomless pit of misery.

I wanted to die so much that I didn't care what happened to me.. But thank GOD I was always protected by some sort of miracle angel even when I never asked to be. So many times I've been so stupid..

I want to be done being stupid. I want to be better.

I want to have a better life.

I can't die like this. I can't die miserable...

Zomg dead blog. Hi. I keep coming back to find that you still exist!!! Thank you Blogspot/blogger for not disappearing nor deleting my account. I do enjoy reading back on all my old posts XD Entertaining AF!!! Omg so much has changed now.. and I don't have the time to update yet. But maybe soon I will, since there probably isn't a single eye that I know who would be reading this by now. It's always been therapeutic to write down my most honest feelings and shit somewhere.. So Imma start doin that again :) Until the next time I'm free.. BYEEEEE

Bullets Family

Hi dead blog~

after many months i decided to update for fun =P . . .

This is me Bullets team ~ ^@^ *missing afew peeps* I love them to death~

we finished 3rd place in c3 =) . . . But it don't matter . . I'm glad I got to compete with them~ haha . .

This has to be the best team ever . . In relationship wise ;) . . . we're like a 2nd family to each other. . . All brother's and sisters =) . . . Its love~ Its beautiful ^@^

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After the competition I didn't see most of them for quite awhile... was really sad. . but when I saw everyone again . . I felt like crying . . After missing them for so long . . . and seeing them again was like the peak of my happiness . . . wanted to hug everyone and drag them into a box to keep them forever =P . . .

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aside from that, I've been real bummed out since yesterday . . . night . . lol . . . i feel like i need to get out. . but I feel lazy . . I can't explain this feeling . . Its beyond words can describe. . . i think it hurts. . . i think its confusing. .. i think its hanging. . . i think its troubling . . . i don't know. . . I always smile the pain away . . laugh my miseries off . . . always hiding behind dark curtains. . . hoping to jus not get notice . . living life invisibly . . . so I won't get into anything or any trouble . . but still looking for something . . But I don't know what i'm looking for . . I'm just a lil lost . . or very lost. . . Just need someone who will believe me . . be proud of me . . notice me . . love me? . . . lol . .

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k i'm lazy to write or spill anymore. . .

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XOXO's

I've lost innocence that I once had

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What can I do?

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Everyday is a challenge for me

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I smile I laugh I forget everything bad for a moment,Then it comes back...All my mistakes,all the darkness

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I block all feelings and emotions from getting to me,but it seems life is bringing me down on its own universal ways

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The more I try to keep happy and joyful,the worst life gets.Is the devil trying to do something? Am I being tested here?? Am I to pay for my past mistakes?

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Have I brought so much on myself?

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I'm living in silent regrets,what can I do to what has been done

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I move away from the past

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I'm a sinner

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I'm fighting for what I ought to believe in

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I'm lost,hoping to be found

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I don't know where to go,what to do,or what I'm doing anymore

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I'm a devil

I'm an angel

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XOXO's

I FUCKING LOVE THEM~!!!

T.T these are my girls

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I love them to bits

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I'm literally speechless lah

They got me these... Because I recently bought these same exact things.. but I lost them...And I was going thru some hard time... was really upset about the whole week of fucked up things... and then... they just touched my heart everyday T.T ALWAYS MAKING ME CRY!!! T.T sobs... I love them

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Christine also!! she got me and Jolene Justin Bieber cd's~ T.T

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Thru these weeks... I've realised how blessed I am... No matter how much I've lost... I've always had the best by side, I was just too sad to realise it... I'm forever grateful for all the blessings I have in my life... And all the people whom I love oh so much

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I love them since the beginning! But the thing's they do for me just ... seriously... *touched* I'm literally crying still since bout an hour ago.. i duno if i'm just happy or over joyed or more!! T.T

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You guys are my lifesaver... I will forever Keep you in my heart... T.T God know's it~

My dinner

Emo one corner~

Strawberry and choc... freggin BLISS~~~

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XOXO's

Tumblr.

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Just started a new account in tumblr... seems pretty cool!!! =D

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so I most prob will blog there more... depends... or both at the same time!!! ahahaha

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well not like it matters anyways... doubt many ppl read my blog newayz =P so its like i'm talking to my own head yeah?

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^@^

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Tumblr is sooo pretty~!

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KAY

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GNITE!! =3

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XOXO's

ღ

You can be the peanut butter to my jelly
You can be the butterflies I feel in my belly
You can be the captain
And I can be your first mate
You can be the chills that I feel on our first date
You can be the hero
And I can be your side kick
You can be the tear
That I cry if we ever split
You can be the rain from the cloud when it's stormin'
Or u can be the sun when it shines in the mornin'

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Don't know if I could ever be
Without you 'cause boy you complete me
And in time I know that we'll both see
That we're all we need
Cause you're the apple to my pie
You're the straw to my berry
You're the smoke to my high
And you're the one I wanna marry

ღ

Cause you're the one for me (for me)
And I'm the one for you (for you)
You take the both of us (of us)
And we're the perfect two
We're the perfect two
We're the perfect two
Baby me and you
We're the perfect two

ღ

You can be the prince and I can be your princess
You can be the sweet tooth I can be the dentist
You can be the shoes and I can be the laces
You can be the heart that I spill on the pages
You can be the vodka and I can be the chaser
You can be the pencil and I can be the paper
You can be as cold as the winter weather
But I don't care as long as were together

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Don't know if I could ever be
Without you 'cause boy you complete me
And in time I know that we'll both see
That we're all we need
Cause you're the apple to my pie
You're the straw to my berry
You're the smoke to my high
And you're the one I wanna marry

ღ

Cause your the one for me (for me)
And I'm the one for you (for you)
You take the both of us (of us)
And we're the perfect two
We're the perfect two
We're the perfect two
Baby me and you
We're the perfect two

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You know that I'll never doubt ya
And you know that I think about ya
And you know I can't live without ya
I love the way that you smile
And maybe in just a while
I can see me walk down the aisle

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Cause you're the apple to my pie
You're the straw to my berry
You're the smoke to my high
And you're the one I wanna marry
Hook
Cause your the one for me (for me)
And I'm the one for you (for u)
U take the both of us (of us)
And were the perfect two
Were the perfect two
Were the perfect two
Baby me and you
We're the perfect two(yeah, yeah)

ღ

XOXO's