Today's Oct 10th 2018

I need to pull myself together. I need to get my shit together.

I'm 27. It's October now. Two more months until its the end of the year once again...

I can't believe how much I haven't accomplished. And I thought that the worst years are far behind me by now. Butt NOPE... It seems as though this year has proven to be x100 times worst than last year. I never knew how much more sad one human being can get. When you think you've felt the worst of the worst, life throws you a surprise shit party and introduce you to a whole new level of sad. 

Me & T broke up today for the millionth time. 

Every time we get weaker and more impatient with each other.

I don't know how to even start to explain the shit we're in. It's been over a year worth of drama's to type out...

Coming back to this old blog and taking a trip down memory lane makes me feel like I've became so much more stupid...

Ever since the break up with K, I just lost myself completely. I let myself go. 

I drowned myself into a bottomless pit of misery.

I wanted to die so much that I didn't care what happened to me.. But thank GOD I was always protected by some sort of miracle angel even when I never asked to be. So many times I've been so stupid..

I want to be done being stupid. I want to be better.

I want to have a better life.

I can't die like this. I can't die miserable...